Rewind, Start Over.

Hi, I'm Dee.

I started this blog over a year ago and then kind of forgot about it. Then, today I was being all miserable and emo and remembered I had a blog to write about how miserable and emo I feel.

So that's what I'm doing. I may even write some bad poetry and post lame pictures.

Look at me, 21st century girl. Yeah, I make myself ill too.

My life sucks.

Forgive me for sounding a bit like a teenage girl right now.

It was almost perfect - he's smart, funny, a great writer and talker. Our kinks align.

Yesterday he admitted he didn't think he could love me. I'm awesome, fabulous, everything he could possibly want, and he knows he should feel more for me than he does.

But he doesn't feel it. And this was the second time I had let him get close to me.

In some ways it hurts less this time - part of me saw it coming. In other ways, it hurts even more - I thought since I knew what his neuroses were I could deal with them. Apparently I could deal with them, even if he can't.

I'm tired of giving all of myself to men, just to have it blow up in my face.
I'm tired of having all my exes as great friends.
I'm tired of knowing other great guys who I can't love either.

I hate the thought of starting over. Again. But that's what we do, right?

Oh yeah, and I'm still unemployed. Still not living my dream. Still not anywhere close to where I want to be in this life.